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Aug. 17th, 2012 @ 11:26 am Must be signed in...
Most of my journal entries are saved in friends only status. I'll sometimes post them public initially, but then make them "friends only" after a few days.

So.... If you want to read my entries, you'll need to sign in and befriend me. If you are someone who wants to read my journal and does not have an LJ account, you can create a free account and I will add you as a friend - then you can still read my entries all you want by just signing in.

Just trying to keep some semblance of privacy, even on the world wide web.
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Mar. 25th, 2012 @ 02:37 pm The Awesome Adventures of Shelly the turtle...
... and Lassie ain't got nothing on my Joe!

So it was a leisurely Sunday on Viola avenue. Left the kids at home and went to church. Ran to the office for a little bit. Then to the store. Got home about 1:45 or so. Thought it was odd that Joey didn't come right to the garage door to greet me. Took him a while to come inside. He ran into the office, I assumed to find a bone or ball or toy he left in there. I took of my shoes, let Lucy out of her kennel. He ran out, looked at me, then back into the office. I thought it was a little odd, so I just kept doing what I was doing. But again he went into the office. So I followed him, to see if there was something in there he couldn't get to or just what the deal was.

Glanced over to see what Shelly the turtle was doing in her tank. Didn't see Shelly. Looked a little closer. Can't find her. Not in her basking box. Not in the water. Now seriously, was I losing my mind? She HAS to be in there. But no... nope... no Shelly. All while I'm looking for her, Joe is gone again.

I look at the little screen just sitting on the top of of her basking area that her lights sit on. It's askew.

PANIC!!!

That box is 9 inches tall. Shelly's shell is 7.5 inches tall (of course not including hands and feet outstretched). The top of that box is exactly 5 feet off the ground. 5 feet!!! She had managed to somehow pull herself out, and come crashing down to the floor (thank God carpet! & thankfully the heat lamp stayed put).

PANIC!!! Where is Shelly?

So I"m thinking she is injured and hiding somewhere in the house. Surely she must have hurt herself. I start calling frantically to Joey, "Joe, where's Shelly! Joe, where's Shelly!" as I start looking behind the chair, under the desk, in the closet - I mean, where would a turtle go in the house? "Joe, where's Shelly?" Surely she must be in the house! But as I called, Joey never came inside.

So I went out into the backyard, and Joey is standing looking and pointing and indicating under the rhoddies. Sure enough, there sits Shelly - in a pile of leaves - under one of my rhododendron. In the backyard?!?! How on earth?!?!

I'm still thinking she's probably injured, so I go to get a bucket to carry her in - and Joe stands guard. Lucy's just following me like, "What's going on?"

She's fine. Don't see any cracks in her shell. She's back in her tank and seems totally unscathed by the whole adventure. Probably a little miffed that her great escape was foiled!

Needless to say, we'll be screwing down that metal grate on top tonight! I'm still just in shock that she not only got out, but got outside! She would have had to go all the way down the hall, into my bedroom, climp up and through the doggie door (how would she know to to this?), then fall off of the concrete patio onto the concrete step then out into the yard.

I don't know when she got out - I think the lights come on around noon in her box, so probably after that. But I guarantee you Joey followed her every move and stayed outside watching over her until I got home. Then when I got home, he made sure I went into that office to find that she was missing, and then he took me right to her.

Unbelievable! Don't know what I would have done if she had been hurt (not a lot of turtle doctors in the area). So glad she's okay, and so proud of Joey!

Welcome to the crazy adventures of my life!!
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Mar. 17th, 2012 @ 08:45 pm Reflecting on the last few months...
I plugged in my iPod tonight and iTunes opened right to the playlist called "Shawn." This was the playlist of songs I put together a couple days before Shawn died to play for her quietly in her room, after she was no longer able to get out of bed. Next to it was the playlist I put together for her memorial service.

Wow. You know, I think the loss of my friend has started sinking in more in just last couple of weeks. I find myself tearing up or an ache hits me out of no-where. Everything has been such a whirlwind... Shawn passed, memorial service, my surgery & recovery, "taking care of business" regarding all of Shawn's affairs, getting into a new routine with home and dogs, getting back into a routine at work and church...

It's been so crazy - and now... it's starting to sink in more. And it's starting to hurt more. Now that the hustle and bustle has settled down some... I miss my friend. She was not just a friend. She was like a sister. We walked through so much together. I miss my her.

There are constant reminders that come out of nowhere. I drove by Mel's diner and thought of how many times we sat there together having steak tips and eggs. This week, Dial-A-Ride called to see if Shawn still needed their services and I had to say, "No thank-you, she passed away in January." I find things around the house that belonged to her. I love on little Lucy and think of her. I talk or text with her son and think of how much she wanted to be here for her kids. I see her mamma's hens and chicks growing in my garden. I use the mug I made her with pictures of me and dogs that said, "We love you, Shawn." I open my Bible and a picture of Shawn and Nancy and their mom falls out - one I tucked in my Bible a day or two before she died as I sat by her bedside reading her the Psalms - chocking back sobs that came in waves so hard I could hardly breathe let alone read - and wishing I could just get it together so she would not hear me cry over her!!

Life is just so unpredictable. Sometimes so hard to understand. But as I sit here, tears running down my cheeks - I know and I trust that in all things, God is good. God is sovereign. Got knows. And God gave Shawn to me, and he gave me to Shawn. For such a time as this. I am ever changed, and I'll be eternally grateful and blessed to have known this beautiful person. Blessed to live life with her. Blessed to have walked through illness by her side. And blessed to have her pass from this life into the arms of Jesus in my home (her home), with me close by - not alone, or in some hospital bed.

There will be more reminders. There are still little pieces of "business" to take care of. But all in all, things are coming together. I got her car sold, and I just got a Mary Kay returned product check, and between the two all of her expenses are covered which is awesome! Even in the little details, God had a plan - before we even knew he needed a plan.

I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. Without a moments hesitation. So very blessed. Yes, you can be blessed through tragedy.

*sigh* Wow. Listening to Rita Springer. This says it all.

Worth it All

I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this

You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this
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Dec. 24th, 2011 @ 10:32 am Christmas 2011 Reflections
Today is Christmas Eve Day. Thanksgiving is past. New Year's Day is just a blink away. It's a quiet morning in the house. The tree is lit. The coffee is brewed. Joey is asleep on my lap (making it interesting to type). Lucy is trying to eat the Christmas tree again. Seems like a good time to just sort of ponder and reflect on this year.

A friend from church posted recently that she picks a "theme" word for every year. Words like peace in a year she knows she needs peace. This year she chose the word "GIVE."

What would have been my theme word for this past year?

2011 has been a challenging and rewarding year in so many ways. At work, it has been my first year as a manager - hiring and training and trying to do my best at that. Lots of big challenges and also triumphs there. Still lots to learn and do. I've made new friends and cherished old friends. I've become more involved in things at my church and made friendships and been involved in great events there. I've healed some hurts and nursed other. I've read books - lots of books - which many years I don't seem to find the time to do. I have celebrated births and mourned deaths.

But as many of you know, there is one thing that has been a part of every day of this year for me, along with all of the above. For the greater part of this year, I have had one of my best friends and her mischievous lil pup living with me. For the past year, I have watched her battle for her life against cancer. I've watched this from the initial realization of what it was, and the first experiences with the impact of treatment - through what we hoped was remission, then metastasis, to the stopping of treatments and putting it all fully in God's hands and watching and waiting - to see if he heals her on this side of heaven or the other. We are still watching and waiting. One day at a time.

So what would my word for this past year have been?

ENDURANCE?
No. I don't feel like I've endured. I don't feel like it's been a struggle. That's probably a miracle, but it is what it is.

PATIENCE?
That doesn't quite fit. Sure, there have been many times I have needed patience or received patience this year, but that word does not fit the year.

LOVE?
Perhaps. This has been a year guided by love in many ways. I have sought to love through action and not only words. I have seen the love of many people in venues that I would not normally experience them - Northstar volunteers, friends, my church family. I have also seen God's love poured out on old friends and new.

PEACE?
Maybe. I know I have been amazed all year long to see the peace that Shawn has always had about her, even in the midst of terrible circumstances and terrible health. Rarely a moment of anger or anguish - always peace and optimism at both the best and the worst of times. That can't help but rub off on me. And maybe that's why I have felt at peace this year, also, even through watching someone I love suffer so much.

Maybe CARRIED?
There is no doubt in my mind that for both Shawn and myself, we have been carried through this year by a strength that is not our own. We both believe and trust in Jesus as our saviour and our king - the one we celebrate this Christmas. I know that this Saviour - this Christ - born on Christmas Day - has carried us through this year as we have shared each other's burdens and taken one day at a time, never really knowing what the next day would hold. Not only has Shawn showed a grace and peace in the midst of this battle that is simply amazing, but I have known a peace that I could not have known if it weren't for being carried through the year by Jesus' strength. He carried a cross for our shame. He carries our burdens with us so we never have to go it alone. And one day, He will carry us all to be home with Him.

That's the baby we celebrate this Christmas. The baby Mary carried in her womb, and Joseph carried in his arms. The baby who carried the weight of the world on His shoulders as He carried the cross that He did not deserve, but we did. The baby who was carried up to heaven in a cloud and sits at the right hand of the Father. The one who has carried me through this year and given me the strength to do all the things He has asked me to do without fear or anxiety, but with peace and determination.

The Jesus who carries us is the Jesus born on Christmas day.

Merry Christmas, everyone.
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Aug. 3rd, 2010 @ 10:08 pm Just a Dog
(Seen online and copied here)

From time to time, people tell me, "lighten up, it's just a dog," or, "that's a lot of money for just a dog." They don't understand the distance traveled, the time spent, or the costs involved for "just a dog."

Some of my proudest moments have come about with "just a dog." Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a dog," but I did not once feel slighted.

Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by "just a dog," and in those days of darkness, the gentle touch of "just a dog" gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day.

If you, too, think it's "just a dog," then you will probably understand phases like "just a friend," "just a sunrise," or "just a promise." "Just a dog" brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy. "Just a dog" brings out the compassion and patience that make me a better person.

Because of "just a dog" I will rise early, take long walks and look longingly to the future. So for me and folks like me, it's not "just a dog" but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment.

"Just a dog" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day.

I hope that someday they can understand that it's not "just a dog" but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being "just a human."

So the next time you hear the phrase "just a dog." just smile, because they "just don't understand."
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Jul. 4th, 2010 @ 01:17 pm Independence Day
Today is the birthday of our nation. Today we celebrate our freedom. Today we BBQ and watch fireworks and enjoy our family and friends. But today, let us also pause to thank God for our nation and the freedoms that we enjoy in it - freedoms that were bought at great price, and that we too often take for granted.

Our nation is not perfect. Never was. Never will be. We were not founded by perfect people, nor are we now governed by perfect people. In all honestly, America is a very indulgent and arrogant nation. Like no individual is free from sin or error, neither is any nation. But never-the-less, we are and have been a blessed nation. In all of our imperfections, we have prospered and stood strong. We enjoy freedoms in this nation that we don't even realize are freedoms because we are so used to them that we take them for granted. We whine and complain when the line at the grocery store is too long, instead of being thankful for not only the abundance of food but also for having a job that affords us the ability to purchase it to feed our families. We get impatient waiting on our book to arrive that we ordered on Amazon, never stopping to think about the fact that our ability to buy any book we want on Amazon is in and of itself one of our freedoms. There are nations where many books and teachings are expressly banned. We yawn and watch the clock when our Sunday sermon goes too long, or make snide remarks about other denominations, when the fact that we can spend all day in church if we want to, and that we have the freedom to attend a church that aligns with our beliefs and where we feel comfortable is one of our greatest freedoms. We are bothered by the opinions shared publicly by religious leaders or politicians that we don't agree with, but the very fact that we are able to voice our opinions openly without fear of arrest is a freedom that was bought for us. At great price.

As a Christian, I see a lot of things happening in our nation that breaks my heart. Both politically and morally. But on the political side, I live in a country where I am free to vote and take part in the political process. And on the morality side, I have to always remember that we cannot ever legislate morality. But we can strive to live it in our own lives, and serve our nation in prayer - for God's word says in 2 Chron. 7:14 "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and I will heal their land."

No, our nation is not perfect. But it is nevertheless blessed tremendously, and it is my home, and despite our imperfections I am proud to be an American. I am proud of this beautiful land I call my home. I am proud of the men and women of multiple races and religion who shed blood and fought to create this nation. Who fought for freedom to be enjoyed by generations they would never know. I am proud of those who have served in our military forces - those who fought in wars, and those who never did but stood by willing to go should they be called. And I am proud of those who have stood in the shadows, never known and never seen. From planting victory gardens, to women sewing uniforms and bandages to send off to war, to people hiding slaves in their basements and barns to help them find their own freedom.

I am thankful that my great-great-grandparents took their children and got on a boat to come to this country to find freedom - a freedom that was then enjoyed by their baby girl, Eva, my great-grandma, then her little girl, my gramma Virginia, then through my dad, and then to me.

Yes, I am proud to be an American. I pray that as I live in a nation where we are so inundated by freedom that we don't know what freedom really is, that I will never allow myself to take my freedom for granted.

Happy Birthday, America, my home!

(From the Declaration of Independence)
When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

I like to see a man proud of the place in which he lives. I like to see a man live so that his place will be proud of him. ~Abraham Lincoln

A man's country is not a certain area of land, of mountains, rivers, and woods, but it is a principle; and patriotism is loyalty to that principle. ~George William Curtis

I regret that I have but one life to give for my country.
(Nathan Hale, hung as a spy by the British at the age of twenty one - Sept. 21, 1776)

The highest glory of the American Revolution was this - that it connected, in one indissoluble bond, the principles of civil government with the principles of Christianity. [John Quincy Adams]


And so finally...
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America
And to the republic for which it stands
One nation, under God, indivisible
With liberty and justice for all.

Amen
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Jul. 30th, 2006 @ 07:47 pm Camping and memories...
I guess this marked our 30th year of the Stout family camping trip. Although with grandma and grandpa gone now, there are no more Stouts that come. Uncle Forrest said our first official version of this tradition was when my cousin Angela was 3 months old - which was the summer before I was born. We've camped together - my mom's sister's family and ours - every year since then. We used to also have my grandparents and great aunts and uncles, all whom are gone now. Some other family has come hit and miss over the years, but it has really been a solid tradition for our two families. We could always count on seeing each other at Christmas and our camping trip. Christmas is now gone since our families have grown and we no longer are all together over the holiday. But we still have camping, a tradition I hope never dies.

Here is a picture of all the cousins...


This year is the first in AGES that we have all been there the whole time. No one leaving early or coming late. No-one who couldn't make it due to jobs, school, etc. The only person that couldn't come was my cousin Rachel's husband, Ron. The rest of us were there. Two sets of parents. 8 cousins, counting spouses. 7 second cousins - 8 if you count the bun in the oven. 6 tents. 2 trailers. One lake. Camping perfection. :)

I know a lot of people hate camping. The idea of being dirty, not having showers, sleeping in a tent and trying to keep warm, boiling water to wash dishes, etc - just doesn't appeal. But I just can't relate. I've never known different. And the memories I have of 29 years of camping with my cousins are more precious than gold! I could spend hours talking about our adventures if I wanted to.

Angela, Crys and I screaming bloody murder through a campground standing on a log over a river watching salmon swim upstream under us, half of them one eyed and looking beaten to death from the journey, because great Uncle Frank said they'd bite our knee caps off.

Rachel and her cousin Tawnia getting lost for about 12 hours after hiking too far back into the woods, and the time they fell in the river as a log collapsed under them that they were standing on.

Making "witches brew" with dirt and leaves and such on a pot over the fire pit.

Skinny dipping with Ang and Crys and almost getting caught each time we dared.

The many hikes up streams and rivers slipping and tripped and stubbing our toes to explores the rivers.

The chipmunk sitting on the top of Rachel's head eating peanuts.

Jumping in the river at night with about 4 layers of clothes on thinking somehow that would keep us warmer.

Berry picking and hiking and swimming.

Walking around the campground with Ang and Crys singing "Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married" in 3 part harmony when we were teenagers.

Marshmallow stick hunts.

And fights - and tears - but that's what life's about! And even through the fights, we've grown closer and closer every year.

30 years of memories. And now, we get to see the next generation begin the same journey and it is like watching our childhood played out before us. This is the first time Bailey and Timri have been able to really meet and play with Rachel's kids and it blessed my socks off watching them play and bond! Bailey and Isaac are only 6 weeks apart, and Timri and Mira only 3 weeks apart. They played so well together. Well - Mira and Timri spent the week telling each other "NO!" and bossing each other around - but isn't that just what 2 year olds do? Bailey played and interacted better than I have EVER seen here with other kids before. All the kids did so well together - and I just want to cry thinking about them growing up to know each other and love each other and bond like all of us have - and then continue to carry on the tradtion.

So you don't like camping? Well - you are missing out. It's more than the cold. It's more than the dirt. It's the hours spent in front of a fire talking. With lanterns on picnick tables playing games and lauging and hoping the next campsite over doesn't complain we are being too loud. It's being down at the water together. Exploring in river shoes and tripping over rocks. Making smores. Hours and hours of long walks. Simply bonding. Dirty and hair a mess and stinky and wearning flanel. You can laugh, but you just don't understand the deeper blessings of sharing in God's beautiful creation with your family and creating memories and nurturing relationships that will last a life time.

This will be the last time Dave and Gena and the girls will be here for a couple years 'cause they'll be in Michigan the next 2 summers, so this year was a real blessing - having us all, including all the kids, together. I can't imagine what it will be like with them not there.

I hope and pray nothing ever causes any of us to back out of this tradition and let it die out. It's been such a part of my life my whole life I can't imagine not having this to look forward to each summer. I want the same for all of our children. I never want it to end.

Pictures

Thank you, Lord, for such a wonderful week!
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